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While waiting for a service professional, amuse yourself with plumber jokes, puns, and more...
A wife tells her husband: "Honey, the TV is not working, please fix it."
The husband replies: "What am I? A technician?"
After 2 days the wife tells her husband: "The toilet is leaking. Maybe you can fix it?"
The husband replies: "What am I? A plumber? Leave me alone!"
After a couple of hours she tells him that there are no more matches in the home. She asks her husband to get some more, but the husband replies "What do you want from me? Go ask the neighbor."
She goes to the neighbor. She returns after 2 hours and her husband does not understand why it took so long.
"What did you do there for 2 hours?"
Replies the wife: "He wanted something in return. Either I sleep with him or bake him a cake…"
"And what did you do?" Asks the husband
So his wife replies: "What am I? A baker?!"
A good flush beats a full house every time!
Question: How many plumbers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: Three...A boss to tell a plumber, a plumber to tell a helper, a helper to get his electrician friend to do it on the side.
A lawyer in California needed a leak fixed and called the plumber; who after about 45 minutes was done and all cleaned up.
“That will be $75″ said the plumber.
The lawyer objected saying "I’m a lawyer, and I don’t even get that much an hour!"
The plumber responded: "I didn’t either, when I was a lawyer."
Did you hear that someone broke into our local police station and stole the toilet? Right now the cops have nothing to go on…
I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails.
A proud father was showing a fellow worker a picture of his five grown sons. His friend asked what they did for a living. The father said the older two are doctors and the youngest two are lawyers. The friend asked about the middle son and the father said, "Oh, he's a plumber. Someone had to pay for all the others educations."
A young plumber was called to a woman's apartment in New York to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived he was pleased to discover that the woman was highly attractive and during the course of the afternoon the two became extremely friendly. About 5:30 p.m. the phone rang disturbing them. "That was my husband," she said, putting down the phone. "He's on his way home but is going back to the office around eight. Come back then, and we can take up where we left off." The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. "What? On my own time?!"
On a sunny bank holiday, a doctor is having some trouble with the kitchen sink. He calls his local plumber, only to be told that it's his day off. "But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated. The plumber relents and shows up at the doctor's house. He glances over the sink, looking preoccupied, and mumbles something about golf. He then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying, "Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, call me tomorrow."
In what way is a plumber like a doctor? They both bury their mistakes.
"Anyone who thinks a joke about a plumber is funny hasn't had a tap replaced recently" (Unknown)
A daily paper has received a communication from a plumber protesting against jokes about plumbers. It is to his credit that he remembered to post the letter. (From 'Punch' Magazine).
A plumber is the only person who can take a leak ...and fix it too.
Actual sign that we have found on local plumbing company's trucks:
"Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
"We repair what your husband fixed."
Plumbing quotes are not just about prices, check out our funny plumbing quotations:
"If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber." - Albert Einstein
"Anybody who has any doubt about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one." - George Meany
"Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on the weekend." - Woody Allen
"In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union." - Conan O'Brien
"There's no greater bliss in life than when the plumber eventually comes to unblock your drains. No writer can give that sort of pleasure." - Victoria Glendinning
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender." - Rodney Dangerfield
"You only need to know 2 things to become a plumber. Sh_t runs down hill and payday is on Friday."
"Your sh!t is our bread and butter."